Breaking news….. PONs across the world are
refusing to perform. In Canine Musical Free-
style, Obedience, Rally, Conformation, Agility,
Therapy Dog work, while out for walks and even when cued to “sit” in their own
homes, PONs are staring blankly at their persons or choosing to perform some
other unwanted task. They are humiliating their humans in public. PON people
are frustrated and at their wits end. The talks between the PU (PON Union) and
their humans are at an impasse. To quote one person who was interviewed for
this article, “We PON lovers think the ongoing strike by the PU just stinks!”
To
better understand the reasons for the strike, this investigative reporter
decided to conduct extensive interviews with several PONs: card carrying
members of the PU and independents. In order to protect their identity, PONs
who came forward and voiced their grievances will be called, “Little Stinker
One”, “Little Stinker Two”, etc. Their stories, which I recorded over several
months, are transcribed below.
Interview number one
Reporter : Several months ago, your human paid a
seamstress to make her outfit, hired a hairdresser to fix her hair and make up
to match the theme of the music, groomed you to perfection, rented a studio,
paid for a videographer, and took time off from work to videotape the two of
you for a CMF video competition. When you were cued to begin the performance,
you lay down, spread your back legs out in the froggy position, held your head
erect and stared blankly at her. No matter what she did, you refused to budge;
you went on strike. Why?
Little Stinker One: First, let me start by saying
that I love Canine Musical Freestyle. I love
practicing, performing, hamming it up for the camera
and showing off my talent to human audiences. I also love this routine and
know all of the dance moves. Now on this particular day, my human set us both
up for failure. First, she packed the bag we use for therapy work. I thought
we were going to visit other humans and that I was going to get lots and lots
of attention from them. Then she really confused me by bringing one of my
sisters along. We had always gone to CMF practice and to do therapy work
alone. It was our special time together. To add insult to my confusion, once
we arrived at our destination she left me in the car and took my sister into
MY dance studio instead of taking me for my normal pre-dance potty walk. They
left me with a person I did not know very well for 15 minutes which hurt my
feelings and made me feel very insecure.
When she finally did take me into the studio, I could hear my sister in another room crying because she was not with us. I was really worried about her and wanted to go and comfort her. In short order I totally forgot about her because there had been several other pups before me in the studio who I did not know, including one hot babe. I became totally distracted by all of those interesting smells. Once my person finally did get my attention and I realized that we were going to dance together, I noticed another person who I did not know standing behind the camera. Of course I went over to say hi. It would have been rude not to.
After properly greeting this new human, I could sense that my dance partner was beginning to get frustrated. She did a fairly good job of composing herself before getting into position for the opening move. Just as the music started, another human burst through the door to the studio with another dog I did not know. I was not sure of their intentions so told the rude pup to get back and leave my person alone. My person acted very upset and responded by giving me a melodramatic, verbal “no reward” marker.
Who wouldn’t go on strike after all of that?
Interview number two
Reporter: Recently, you and
your person entered a Rally trial. According to the human,
you “pulled on the leash,
went off course, paid him no attention and tried to jump over the signs as if
you were running an agility course”. What happened?
Little Stinker Two: Well,
when we went to the trial, I had no plans of going on strike; how-
ever, during the first trial I noticed so many new
things: scents I’d never smelled, sounds I’d never heard, dogs and people I’d
never met. I became so distracted that I was not paying attention to where my
human partner was and somehow he stepped on my foot. It upset us both
terribly. He was so rattled by this and my inability to focus leading up to
his hurting me, that he spent the rest of our time on the course verbalizing
and gesturing with his hand for one cue while his body and eyes were saying
something totally different. I, on the other hand, tried desperately to figure
out what the heck he was trying to communicate. When I gave up trying to
figure out what he wanted, I just tried to avoid being stepped on again.
Finally, as he was getting more and more upset, I decided to try and calm him
by being as silly as I knew how. He was not amused. In fact, he got even more
upset. No matter what I did, I could not please him so I went on strike.
Interview number three
Reporter: Your humans reported that you sit and down on cue perfectly, every time while in your own home. However, whenever they take you out in public, you no longer understand what these two words mean. Are you an intellectually challenged PON or are you on strike?
Little Stinker Three: You’ve got to be kidding! I’m a PON for goodness sake. Everyone knows we PONs are very smart. Sometimes I’m just not in the mood to sit, or I strained my back leg chasing after a ball and it hurts to sit or I don’t feel safe enough to sit, or if I sit I might not be able to catch that squirrel who is thinking about walking my way. Not to mention that sometimes my humans pay me with a reward that is of such low value, it’s tantamount to slave labor. I’d like to see them work for nothing. Also, though it doesn’t mean that I’m stupid, I never have been taught to sit while walking around outside. I’ve been taught to sit in the living room of my home but no where else. I’m not sure if “sit” means “sit” if I’m cued to do it somewhere else. Good grief! I wasn’t on strike. But after hearing the comment made by my humans and having you ask such an insulting question, I’m joining the PU and as of this moment am on strike.
Interview number four
Reporter: When I interviewed your person, they
were quite angry and said that you were a
militant PU member. In fact, you are the president
and founding father of the union. What made you decide that there was a need
to unionize the PON breed?
Little Stinker Four: You think my person is angry?! Look at me! I’m fed up and furious! We PONs do not know human language. We are genetically programmed for PON canine language and learn it at an early age from our mother and siblings. My human keeps talking to me as if I’m supposed to know what she is saying. She thinks that I’m being stubborn or trying to be bad when I don’t do what she asks. I keep telling her “Lady, I have no idea what you want!” Obviously she doesn’t care or doesn’t know PON language. She doesn’t take the time to teach me her language and she’s too dense to learn mine. When I try to explain to her that I want to communicate with her, she either ignores me or speaks harshly to me.
She leaves me alone all day without anything to do and no way to get outside to go potty. She then gets mad at me when she finally comes home and I’ve taken it upon myself to rearrange the furniture and had to eliminate inside. One day I realized that the only way for me to change the status quo was to band together with others. Strength is in numbers, you know. So, I sent out a notice via the universal PON telegraph inviting others around the world to join me on my quest. The rest is history.
Interview number five
[Note to the reader – though the PON quoted below is not a member of the PU nor is he on strike, the editor chose to publish his interview. We hope that you respect our policy of always reporting the facts in as fair and unbiased a manner as is humanly possible.]
Reporter: I’ve really been looking forward to meeting you and hearing your story. Your human said that you were absolutely wonderful, his best friend and the best fur kid any human could ever hope to live with. According to him, you are not a member of the PU and have never been on strike. In fact, he said that you were as perfect as any PON could be. He bragged about how quickly you learned new cues, how willing and eager you were to perform with him and only regretted that he was not perfect and sometimes could not understand what you were trying to communicate to him. Why are you so different from your PON brothers and sisters?
Little Stinker Five: Oh my! If only you could see my face you’d notice that I’m blushing. He said all of that about me?! Ah, shucks. Well, I knew he was a very special human from the moment we met. He spoke so nicely to me, showed me all of the fun, interactive toys he’d purchased for me, understood what I was communicating to him with my body language and did not get upset when I rushed to his trash can and went dumpster diving. In fact, he just laughed at me and said something about how he was going to have to put the trash can where I couldn’t reach it. Then when we went outside and I started to dig a hole, he asked me if I was on my way to visit my relatives in Australia. We then began to play a game of fetch together and I totally forgot about my tunnel to “Down Under”.
Oh, don’t misunderstand me.
We have had trouble communicating from time to time and
I’m not always up for his
games. (Nor he mine.) However, he is most patient and willing to try new ways
of working with me. Even when I was going through a fear period, he gently
worked with me and helped me get over that stage of my life. My favorite part
of our working together is that he always ends every lesson and competition on
a positive note; cueing me to do something I’m really good at then playing
either tug or fetch with me no matter how well we performed. I always look
forward to our time together.
We have had two relatively
major obstacles to overcome, though, in order for our working
relationship to succeed.
Humans, as you know, are performance driven. They become so focused on what
they are doing that they forget to pay attention to all of the wonderful
distractions that this world has to offer: a squirrel running across our path,
the pee mail left behind by neighboring canines, the wonderful aroma of a hot
babe, the conversations of dogs as we walk past their property, a spider
crawling across the side walk. My person and I have reached a compromise,
though, that we both agreed upon. Whenever we go someplace new or go out on a
walk, he lets me investigate my surroundings at my own pace for at least 15
minutes. He then cues “Look at me” and I know it’s time to pay attention to
him and what he wants me to do. I willingly oblige since he has kindly let me
do my thing first and since we’ve practiced this cued behavior many times in
many different places. He also wants me to play the “Look at me” game whenever
I react to another dog who is threatening us, may be exhibiting rude doggie
behavior or may be cussing at me. For some reason he doesn’t want me to react
in an appropriate doggie manner but wants me to focus on him and ignore the
offending pup. I try to do what my human wants in these situations but it is
really hard. He doesn’t seem to mind, though, that I’m having difficulty with
this. He says that we will keep practicing and someday I’ll look at him 100
percent of the time instead of ever reacting to the offensive pups. Guess
practice makes perfect.
The other major problem we’ve
had was with his communication skills. Often times when
we were working or playing
together, he’d verbalize one thing, cue another with his arms while his body
and eyes were saying something totally different. He does seem to have had a
problem remembering his left from his right. Thankfully, he’s been practicing
saying and motioning the same cue at the same time. He seems to be getting
better. He also made it a lot easier for me to focus on what cue he wanted me
to follow by blocking his eyes from my view with dark sunglasses. With
practice I’ve eliminated his body language as a cue and am able to focus on
his arm movements and verbal cues. We are doing much better.
So you see there is no need for me to go on strike. My human, though not perfect, works very hard to treat me fairly, to understand me and to communicate with me. He makes it relatively easy for me to succeed in life as his partner and he is my best friend. I so love my human and just want to make him happy; unless of course his happiness gets in the way of my PON-ness. We PONs do have a mischievous side and a wicked sense of humor. Sometimes we just can’t help ourselves which amuses and sometimes frustrates our humans. Why do you think the humans suggested that you call us “Little Stinker 1,2,3,4 and 5” to protect our identity instead of John or Jane PON Doe?
-by Deborah Harvey
Deborah Harvey, member Assoc. of Animal Behavior Professionals & Assoc. of Pet Dog Trainers, currently lives in NC with 4 dogs (3 of whom are Delta Society Pet Partners) and 4 cats. She stays busy training other pups and their persons while her PON stays busy living up to his name, “Little Dickens!”